Beautiful Stranger
by rubi of queenscove
Summary: Kel is apprehensive about attending the midwinter ball...but once she arrives, she catches the attention of every man there, including Neal! **ch 7** K/N. PG-13 so angry parents don't come running at me with knives.
1. prologue .:kel:.

****

Beautiful Stranger

by

rubi red

Prologue 

*

I sigh. Though I should have been having the time of my life at the Midwinter Ball, I couldn't stop thinking about Neal. Nothing I did could get my mind off the fact that he was probably dancing the night away right at this moment with some new court beauty. For sure, I will never go down to the ball tonight. In comparison to all the other ladies, I am ugly, an oaf. Even though Lalasa has given me the finest silk Kimono to wear, I still wish that my hair was honey brown or had streaks of blond or sandy brown like Neal's. It certainly would be nice to have blue-gray eyes like Daine's... No! I am not jealous of her! My hazel eyes suit me just fine! Sometimes they even possess a deep forest green color...just like Neal's. No! I must stop thinking about Neal! I definitely stay here in my chambers tonight. Neal wil lnever think of me as any more than just a friend...   
  
Sitting on my bed of feathers, I begin to twiddle with the delicate silk of the kimono. As I look down at my feet, a spot of wetness on my knee fades, being absorbed by the material. No! I am stone! I will _never_ cry over a lost cause like Neal. I reach down to untie my obi, but Lalasa catches my hand before I even get my hands on it.   
  
"My lady, what are you doing?"  
  
I pull away. "Lalasa, I am not going to the ball. I do not want to see Neal." Feeling quite guilty, for Lalasa was so kind in helping me to get ready, I reach down for my obi once more.   
  
Lalasa smacks my hand. "Oh, my lady... I am so sorry! She cowers into the corner in fear.   


"Lalasa, it's alright... I just... don't want to go."   
  
"My lady, you sat in here for hours while I primped you for that ball, and you look absolutely stunning. It would be a shame to waste it all just because you don't want to see Neal."   
  
She spins me in the direction of the mirror. Taking a deep breath, I look into the everlasting depths.   
  
I gasp, as I hardly even recognize myself. "T-that's me?" Lalasa hides her laughter with her hand.   
  
"And who else would it be?" she replied soberly. My breathing comes difficult as thoughts of Neal pour through my head. But the other ladies are still so much prettier than I am! Yamani lake... be as the smooth surface. I must not let my self esteem get down... I can be as beautiful as I want to be!   
  
"S-Sorry, LalasaI hardly even recognized myself, under all that face paint." My hair cascades down to my shoulders in tight bouncy ringlets and the emerald green Kimono shows off my "better" features well.   
  
"So, have you decided to attend the ball?" she asks timidly.

  
After a moment of hesitation, I reply, "You know, Lalasa, maybe I will go. I don't have to be with Neal to have a good time."  
  
"Good thinking, my lady," said Lalasa, relieved. "Now, off you go. Plenty of men are waiting to dance with the most beautiful girl in the ballroom, and she isn't even there yet."  
  
I cracked a smile. "Goodbye, Lalasa." And with that, I walked out the door. 


	2. beautiful stranger .:neal:.

****

Beautiful Stranger

****

by

rubi red

****

Beautiful Stranger

*

I looked around the ballroom in disgust. The Midwinter balls usually swarmed with pretty ladies. Tonight, all the women seemed to look fake. Their faces were caked with face paint, so much that it looked truly unnatural. Even the queen seemed to be lacking the intense beauty that she normally showed. Wait! Who is that, over in the corner…she's so beautiful, doesn't look to be enjoying this little social event too much though…Somehow she looks very familiar. Maybe I should go over and talk to her?

__

Haven't we met  
You're some kind of beautiful stranger  
You could be good for me  
I've had the taste for danger

The lady started walking my way, my heart started thudding like soldiers marching on battlefield. I took a few steps towards her, wanting to talk but not wanting to find out that she was probably headed for the young man next to me. As she moved closer I could see her beautiful dress-no wait, it was a kimono! Was she a Yamani? Her features do not really resemble those common on the Islands, but then again, you never know. The deep leaf green color of the silk kimono matched my eyes quite nicely (if I do say so myself), and the tree trunk brown obi swished around her waist. Her matching slippers seemed to glide across the floor with every step she took. The satin seemed to fit her body like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. It was a gorgeous kimono. But, what did you expect from such a gorgeous lady? Oh my, it looks as if she's headed for me… what will I say? What shall I do? "Hello, Neal," she said.  
  
_If I'm smart then I'll run away  
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay  
Heaven forbid  
I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger_

I looked at this lady in astonishment. How in the world did she know me? "Madam," I began shakily, "Excuse me for asking, but how do you know my name?" She looked at me with such surprise that I blurted out, "SORRY!"   


"That's alright," she said, hazel eyes dancing with amusement. "You don't know who I am?"   


"You're the Goddess in disguise," I whispered, breathless. 

__

I looked into your eyes  
And my world came tumbling down  
You're the goddess in disguise  
That's why I'm singing this song

The lady laughed so hard that I sincerely thought of running away. Wasn't that a nice compliment? Did I do something wrong? In between fits of laughter, she managed to ask, "Would you like to dance?" 

"Of course!" I replied hastily, with no thought at all. Taking her by the hand, I led the mysterious woman out onto the dance floor. 

__

To know you is to love you  
You're everywhere I go  
And everybody knows  
To love you is to be part of you  
I've paid for you with tears  
And swallowed all my pride

The musicians started up a slow waltz. As we flowed along the dance floor to the time of the music, I couldn't help wondering why this lady would not tell me her name! Well, Queenscove, there's only one way to find out. "Why won't you tell me your name?" I demanded. NO! I can't believe I just said that! It sounded so mean! Yelling at her, for crying out loud, Neal, what were you thinking? Well, a little voice inside my head pondered, if she really likes you, and knows you well, she won't care. "Stupid conscience," I muttered under my breath. When I finally had the courage, I looked up again. Something amazing was flitting around her eyes…it wasn't LAUGHTER, was it?

"But Neal, my dear friend, you already know it."   
_  
Beautiful stranger   
Beautiful stranger  
If I'm smart then I'll run away  
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay  
Haven't you heard   
I fell in love with a beautiful stranger_

Dumbstruck, I replied, "I do? When have I seen you before? What ball was it at? What kind of dress did you have on? I'm really sorry, I really don't mean to be asking you so many questions."

"That's okay," said the lady. "You see me quite often… I can't believe you don't know who I am…" she said, almost in a whisper. 

"Neither can I. I have absolutely no idea…the only person you even resemble to me is Keladry of Mindelan…but she swore not to come to this ball. I believe her, too…She all hates all things having to do with noble ladies.

  
_I looked into your face  
My heart was dancing all over the place  
I'd like to change my point of view  
If I could just forget about you_

Something passed over her face briefly- was it a smile? "Yes," she replied. " I know Keladry of Mindelan. She is a very good friend of mine…" 

"You KNOW Kel?" I blurted out.

"Yes indeed," the woman said slowly and soberly, "I know her very well…"

Working up the nerve, I decided to ask her something. "Would you like to come out to the gardens with me?"

"Well, why not?" the stranger said with amusement, much to my joy. 

__

To know you is to love you  
You're everywhere I go  
And everybody knows

To love you is to be part of you  
I've paid for you with tears  
And swallowed all my pride  
I looked into your eyes  
And my world came tumbling down  
You're the goddess in disguise  
That's why I'm singing this song to you

The palace gardens were lovely. Candles floated in the small stream. The lady and I walked hand in hand down the path, neither of us uttering a sound. Coming to a small fountain, we stopped to sit on the ledge. 

"Will you please tell me who you are?" I pleaded. 

"Neal, I do believe you already know…" And with that, she dipped her head into the fountain, revealing none other than…my best friend.

"Kel?" I whispered.   
  
_To know you is to love you  
You're everywhere I go  
And everybody knows  
To love you is to be part of you  
I've paid for you with tears  
And swallowed all my pride  
I've paid for you with tears  
And swallowed all my pride  
Beautfiul Stranger_

Beautiful Stranger


	3. breathe .:kel:.

****

Beautiful Stranger

****

by

rubi red

****

Breathe

*

"Kel?"  
  
"Neal, I'm-"  
  
"KEL?"  
  
"Neal-" The realization had just struck me. He only liked me because I was beautiful. Just another one of the court ladies. I let out a long sigh. I should never have done that. Sticking my head in that gods-cursed fountain, letting him know who I really am...he'll never be able to fall in love with Kel. Oh, no, not _Ke_l. Not his gods-cursed best friend! My eyes were fixed on a particularly interesting spot of my kimono. The fabric DID seem to be much darker there, for some odd reason...  
  
"Kel...Kel, I never knew you could be so...so-" Neal seemed at a loss for words. He ran his fingers through his tousled brown hair.  
  
"So beautiful? Maybe, after 6 years, you've finally figured out that I'm a _girl_. You know what, Queenscove? I may not be the _most _beautiful lady in court, but I can _assure_ you that, unlike most of them, I at _least_ have half a brain!" Whipping my kimono out from under me, I stood up, inching closer to Neal. He stood up as well, and we were on the same eye level. "You, Queenscove, are the most _shallow _person that I know. You never thought _anything _of me before. You were always swooning over some court lady, while I sat and listened. I always wished that someday you could like me as a girl, and not just talk to me about girls. Today, it seems like that has happened. And do you know _why_, Queenscove? Oh, I remember now- it's because _now_ I actually _look _like the girl you would want to write poetry to, to dance with...but what you _still _lack to observe, Queenscove, is that I am the _very same person_ that I was before. And I would be willing to wager you _1,000 gold crowns _that if I walked into that ballroom tonight with no face paint on, without any magic holding my hair up, just like I am now, you would have never noticed me. Am I right, Queenscove?" I snarled out the last few words, peering into his eyes. Those eyes...those emerald eyes...so beautiful...  
  
_I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way  
I watch the moonlight dance across your face and I've  
Never been this swept away_  
  
Neal peered back at me. His eyes were filled with so much emotion...it was impossible to tell what...maybe love...LOVE? Wait a minute, Kel. This is Neal we're talking about here. Your best friend? "Actually, Kel, you're wrong," Neal stated calmly, "What _you _ lack to observe is that I have loved you from the start...from that day I met you 9 years ago."  
  
I stifled a gasp. Smooth lake, I reminded myself. I am as stone... "Neal...no...you don't mean that!" What was I doing??? My crush of 9 years had just confessed his undying love to me...and I had pushed him away. Why? Why did I have to do that? I feel like crying. It's a good thing I have all those years of Yamani training...  
  
_I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way  
I watch the moonlight dance across your face and I've  
Never been this swept away_  
  
"Kel...I mean it. I know you better than anyone else and-"  
  
"Neal," I calmly replied, "If you know me so well, how come you don't know how much of a crush I've always had on you?" Neal paled. Oh no...I can't believe I just told him that.  
  
"Y-you have?" he stuttered. I looked at him meaningfully. And without warning he leaned in and kissed me.  
  
_All my thoughts seem to settle on the breeze  
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms  
The whole world just fades away  
The only thing I hear  
Is the beating of your heart_  
  
Now of course, I had never been kissed before and therefore had nothing to compare to. But I had to admit, Neal kissing me was one of the best sensations I had ever felt in my life. His kiss was so sweet, his lips gently caressed mine as his hands slid around my waist. I moved my hands up and played with his hair a bit as he pulled me in snugly against him. Goddess...It's a good thing we're holding on to each other so tight...elsewise we'd both fall into that fountain! His heart was beating rapidly against my chest as somehow he managed to pull me even closer to him. I stopped rustling his hair and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck...we must have stood for ten minutes like that, kissing passionately in the quiet of the palace gardens. Finally we pulled our lips apart, still staying in the same position, arms wrapped around each other tightly. Neal's warm breath tickled my eyelashes, making me shiver...   
_  
'Cause I can feel you breathe  
It's washing over me  
Suddenly I'm melting into you  
There's nothing left to prove  
Baby all we need is just to be  
Caught up in the touch  
The slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
I can feel you breathe  
Just breathe_  
  
"Kel, are you cold?" asked Neal. "Because if you are I'll always be there to keep you warm..."  
  
"Oh, Neal...oh, Neal, I love you so much." I pulled him closer for another kiss.  
_  
'Cause I can feel you breathe  
It's washing over me  
Suddenly I'm melting into you  
There's nothing left to prove  
Baby all we need is just to be  
Caught up in the touch  
The slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be  
I can feel you breathe  
Just breathe_  
  
We pulled apart. "Neal," I whispered into his ear. "How come it took us so long? So long to realize...when we could have been together all along..." I spoke the words quietly.  
  
"Oh, Kel, I don't know. I think we were just too afraid to tell each other. Too afraid to love. All of those court ladies were just distractions for me. Ways to keep my mind off of you. I love you too, Keladry of Mindelan. Now and forever."  
  
_In a way I know my heart is waking up  
As all the walls come tumbling down  
I'm closer than I've ever felt before  
And I know  
And you know  
There's no need for words right now_  
  
We finally pulled apart. "Come on, Neal," I said. "We'd best get inside. The ball will last all night, and I want to dance a bit more..."  
  
"Of course, my sweet. The feeling is mutual." And with that, my love, Nealan of Queenscove, put his strong arm around my shoulders and led me inside. And dance we did. For the entire night, forevermore.  
  
_I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way_  



	4. hero .:neal:.

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Beautiful Stranger

by

rubi red

Hero

*

Would you dance if asked you to dance  
Would you run and never look back  
Would you cry if you saw me crying  
Would you save my soul tonight  
  
Ugh...that is just horrible poetry. If Kel ever saw this...I take the paper and slide it into the desk drawer. Hmmm...it's getting pretty full, that drawer is. I've got to stop writing poetry to Kel. I know she will never appreciate it, yet if I don't show her she won't think I care. Oh, Mithros...I love her so much. How could I be so silly? She loves me and I love her. We're going to be together for the rest of our lives. Why not just do it now? Even though we've only "been together" for two weeks...we've known each other for so long...  
  
_Would you tremble if I touched your lips  
Would you laugh oh please tell me this  
Now would you die for the one you love  
Hold me in your arms tonight  
_  
Oh yes- I remember why, now. I'm Nealan of Queenscove. When it comes to battle and healing I am fearless. But when it comes to love, I lose my nerve. Wow, I never realized I had a sensitive side. But then again...this isn't love. It's beyond love, something I can never imagine, not even in my wildest dreams...  
  
_I can be your hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
_  
I open the drawer again, and force myself to look at it. That little-that little box is causing me the greatest migraine of my life. Silly me, I'm a healer! I can fix it...but no. The magic's not working. Why? It's one of the easiest spells. I try again. The efforts seem to drain me more. And then it hits me like Peachblossem's running over me (again). You can't stop pains with magic when they're caused by love. You have to fix your problem...Oh, why can't I do it! I love her so much, with all my heart. I'd die for Kel. Oh, I don't understand myself. My brain can't handle all of this at once... a tear drips onto the carpet, and for only the second time in my 24 years of life, I'm crying.  
  
_Would you swear that you'll always be mine  
Would you lie would you remember  
My angel be have I lost my mind  
I don't care you're here tonight_  
  
There's a knock at the door...No, whoever it is, they can't see me like this. I tiptoe over to the privy and quietly lock the door. All of a sudden a musical voice rings through my chambers. Caught off-guard, I jump, knocking over my soap. "Neal? Neal, I know you're in there, I can hear you," Oh, Mithros. Not now. Anytime but now. It's Kel.  
  
"Er...Just a minute, Kel," I call, my voice shaky.  
  
Oh, no, she can tell. "Neal? What's wrong? You don't sound too good. Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure Kel...I'll be right there." I head for the main chambers, drying my tears hastily on the sleeve of my shirt as I approach the door. I take a deep breath and open it. Kel, my love of years, is standing there looking worried, yet more beautiful than ever.  
  
"Come in," I say, gesturing to the bed. She stepped over the threshold and I silently shut the door.  
  
_I can be your hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
1 You can take my breath away  
Ohhh I just wanna hold you, I just wanna hold you, oh yeah  
My angel be have I lost my mind  
I don't care your here tonight_  
  
Without thinking I sweep her up and into a passionate kiss. We part reluctantly, still holding each other. "Kel, I love you with all my heart," I say. And for once I can be sure I mean it.  
  
_I can be your hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
I can be your hero  
I can kiss away the pain  
And I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
You can take my breath away  
I can be your hero_  
  
"Kel, I need to ask you something..." Gathering up all of my courage, I walk over to the desk drawer while she stays behind me. I remove the box slowly and turn around. Kel pales and gasps...oh, Mithros, I hope this is a good idea. And with that, I open the box.


	5. yes i will .:neal:.

****

Beautiful Stranger

by

rubi red

Yes I Will

*

With all of my courage, I slowly kneel and met her bright hazel eyes, holding the box in my shaking hands. "Kel, I love you more than life itself. There is no way that I can see spending my life with anyone but you. Kel...please- I want you as my betrothed." My voice falters at the end of the sentence, though somehow I had managed to keep it steady before. My heart nearly stops when she closes her eyes. I hesitate once more, unsure of what to do.

  
_I open my eyes I see your face  
I cannot hide I can't erase  
The way you make me feel inside  
You complete me girl, that's why  
Something about you makes me feel  
Baby my heart wants to reveal  
I'm down on my knees, I'm asking you  
So these three words I wanna hear from you_

  
Her eyes slowly flicker open, her hands trembling as they rest upon her cheekbones. "Yes, Neal," she starts, struggling to keep her voice steady, "I will. How could I say no?"  
  
I breathe a large sigh of relief, as a large grin spreads over my face. My still-shaking hands slowly slip the betrothal ring onto her left hand. It's beautiful, with emeralds and rubies encasing the large diamond in the centre. Kel pulls me off my knees and into a tight embrace, and I know by her touch that we will be together forever.

  
_Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you  
Yes I will, so these three words I promise to  
Yes I will, give you everything you need  
And someday start a family with you  
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you  
Yes I will, baby I promise to  
Yes I will, give you everything you need  
And someday start a family with you  
Oh yes I will_

  
"So," she murmurs gracefully into my ear, "What say we get married?"  
  
"Erm, Kel, I think we've already established that we are, indeed, getting married," I reply, though not as gracefully.  
  
"No, no, silly, I mean, how about right now?"  
  
"Kel...we can't do that, you know we can't. All of our family and friends are going to want to see us get married...we can't just run off on them, like this." I, as always, try to be the sensible one. (A/N- HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!)  
  
"Oh, forget about them. It's our wedding, not theirs, and they can't do anything from stopping us."  
  
"I know they can't...but Kel, please...it doesn't even have to be a large wedding, just close family and friends. But I want everyone to know that I'm marrying the most beautiful lady on this planet."  
  
"Al- alright then," she replies, though somewhat resentfully.  
  
"I promise, Kel, it will be small. I love you, Kel."  
  
"And I love you too."

__

  
This is no ordinary love  
And I can never have enough  
Of all the things you've given to me  
My heart , my soul , my everything  
Every night I thank you lord (I thank you lord)  
For giving me the strength to love her more  
And more each day I promise her  
As long as I hear those three words  
  
"Neal," she whispers, pulling out of our embrace and looking me in the eyes, "Are you sure- are you sure that you want to marry me? After all...I'm a knight. I'm not exactly going to be staying around the house having kids and such, while you go off on your noble steed and ride gallant adventures. I'm 5 years younger than you, and I'm not very pretty. I just don't see- I just don't see what you see in me." I can see that she is fighting to keep her Yamani calm.  
  
"Kel, you are the most beautiful, strongest, most defiant person I know. It's one thing to be all of those things on the outside, but to be them on the inside as well is just amazing...Amazing, just like you."  
  
"Oh, Neal," she says softly. And for the first time in my life, I see a tear trickle down her face.  
_  
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you  
Yes I will, so these three words I promise to  
Yes I will, give you everything you need  
And someday start a family with you  
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you  
Yes I will, baby I promise to  
Yes I will, give you everything you need  
And someday start a family with you_  
  
"It's going to be alright, Kel. We'll be together forever. And no one's ever going to stop us." We stood there for quite some time, holding each other tightly. She was going to be mine, till death do us part.  
  
We fell asleep together the same way. Me holding Kel. My Kel.  
  
_I stand beside you, in everything you do  
Wherever you go, whatever you do  
Baby I'll be there  
As God as my witness  
I will carry this through  
Till death do us part, I promise to you  
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you  
Yes I will, Baby baby yes I promise to  
Yes I will, give you everything you need  
And start a family with you, baby  
Yes I will, Yes I will  
Yes I will, I promise you  
Everything's gonna be all right  
It's gonna be all right  
I will.  
_  
  
  



	6. if you died... .:kel:.

soapbox

Hey. Usually I won't add stuff like this until the very end, but I thought you guys should know. This is an awful chapter. I've revised it 4 times and finally gave up. My entire style for this story goes way downhill in this chapter. Kel is very OOC, IMHO. Not very Yamani-ish. Ah well, I tried to make her struggle. And for those of you who are going "NO! NO! He _can't_ do that!" at the end, well, of COURSE he wou--, well, anyway, I still love my Nealy-Poo, no matter what he ends up doing. But if you read very carefully, there's a ton of foreshadowing in this chap. Even though this whole chapter pretty much flops like a fish out of water, I would still recommend reading it. Otherwise, you won't get chapter 7. *Rubi

/soapbox 

****

If you died...

__

Oh, it hurts so bad...

It started out so perfect, something God could only create. 

I yearned enough for thinking you on this special day.

Never once did I take for granted that you've been hurt before. 

So you treated me like a lady and even more. 

As I packed the next day, it felt as if I was floating on air. I'm really getting married!. I can't believe it! And to Neal, Neal of Queenscove, the love of my life. Folding another tunic and placing it into the box, I stood up. It'll be such a relief once this part is over with. Once we move in together, I mean. But then there's the actual "marriage" part. I stifled a snort as I snapped the top of the trunk down. The wedding was set two weeks from Thursday. Only our close family and friends will attend. I grinned inwardly. I'd already convinced Neal to make it a Yamani wedding- their ceremonies are much more simple and practical.

I lugged my various trunks and boxes up onto the cart I had borrowed from palace servants. As it filled, I realized it would take at least 2 or 3 trips to transport everything to Neal's larger quarters. 

Wheeling the cart out of the door, I slid the key into the lock and turned it, protecting the room while I was gone. Briskly I walked down the hall towards Neal's rooms. In a moment of pure excitement, I pushed the cart quickly and stepped up onto the front ledge. Wind whipped through my hair as I zoomed down the empty corridor. Inhaling the air deeply, I let out a war cry. 

No feeling could ever compare to the elation that I was feeling right now. 

That's what I thought. 

Stepping down off the ledge, I slowed the cart down as I neared my destination. Pulling the key out of my pocket, I tried to undo the lock...

To find that it was already open. 

Cautiously, I turned the handle and opened the door...

And saw something I would never in my wildest dreams expect to find.

__

So I can't understand why you brought storms into my life. 

Tell me why, you destroyed every part of me. 

Now what once a beautiful lady that you showered with your love must live with a heart that bleeds. 

****

No. 

Not Neal. 

Never. 

Neal, glowing green, was bent over a beautiful lady who was lying on his bed. Hearing the door open, he turned to me. His face looked tired and drops of sweat rolled down his cheeks. "Kel," he started, "Oh, Kel...help me...do you know who this is," he asked, pointing at the woman. 

I was furious with anger. How dare he! I'm so foolish, I thought. I had believed that he had and _would_ love me forever. Obviously, I had been wrong. He was just the same old Neal who slept around with every lady at court. 

I tried to regain my Yamani calm. It was difficult. "Actually, _Nealan_, we haven't been introduced," I said, meeting his emerald eyes with my hazel ones. "Why don't _you_ take the honor and do it?"

Neal wrinkled his brow in confusion. "_Nealan_? You know that only my least fav-" Slowly, realization sank into his weary face. "Kel, **_no_**," he said in an unusually low voice. "It's not what it looks li-"

I interrupted him. "I think we'll just let the scene speak for itself." Unable to keep myself as stone any longer, I turned back out the door. Tears welling up in my eyes, I looked at the key in my hand, swiveling around. "You can keep this," I shouted, whipping it at him. Startled, he caught it. 

I left, slamming the door behind me. Running to build up speed, I hopped onto the ledge of the cart again. But this time I wasn't excited. Wind dried my tears as soon as they came out of my eyes. Almost regretfully, I didn't hear any voice calling me. No footsteps running after me. 

It was over, I thought. There's nothing he can do to get me running back at him. 

__

This way again. That was the end. 

So please don't take offense when I say what I have to say. 

Cause if you died I wouldn't cry, cause you never loved me any way.

As I approached one of the intersections, I saw a red headed man walking across. I tried to slow the cart down...but it was no use. I slammed directly into him. 

  
"Sir, I'm terribly sorry...can I help you up?" I offered, holding out my hand. A familiar face grinned up at me. 

"Kel, I know you were upset, but do you _really_ have to slam the cart into me?" Cleon asked, laughter in his voice. 

__

Promises made and secrets told 

Lying nights bent in ecstasy, we made love in a bed of roses for the universe to see. 

There was no holding back from each other, both of our minds were free. 

We never wasted time apart, boy it seems like entirety. 

"Cleon! Oh! I'm so sorry!" I said, fighting the urge to burst into tears again. Stupid me! I thought. This is _not_ working, and honestly, after all those years of training...! A sorrowful look escaped onto my face. 

"What's wrong, Kel?" asked Cleon, concerned. 

As much as I tried to keep it in, I couldn't help but sniffle. Kel! I reprimanded myself. Eight years off the islands and you forget everything they taught you! "It's...nothing, Cleon."

"It's alright," he said. "You can tell me."

I looked up into his gray eyes. "It's...Neal."

Cleon's look was one of sympathy. "What happened?"  
  
Unwillingly, the whole story spilled out of my gods-cursed mouth. 

"It's alright," soothed Cleon. "It's going to be alright."

__

So I can't understand why you brought this pain into my life.. 

Oh tell me why...

I gave you a reason to live and you used my love in vain .. so go on by yourself to survive this alone.. 

You know you can't come back home. 

He pulled me into a hug. I was grateful. Looking back over my shoulder towards Neal's rooms, I saw a pair of emerald eyes shining wetly in the light. 

He never loved me anyway, I thought crossly.

__

I hope you never come this way again.

You did, you did. 

So please don't take offense when I say what I have to say. 

If you died I wouldn't cry cause you never 

How could this be 

After all the love you said we shared you turned around and leave.

Boy you know you were my heart and soul but I can't be bad

I gotta let you go. 

Together forever that's what we both said. 

I didn't know that life could be so unfair.

****

No.

__

I.... you never 

You used to be my best friend.

You can get struck by lighting, washed away by the sea, burned in a fire... just don't bring it back to me. 

Cause you never loved me anyway. 


	7. on my own :neal:

**ch****. 7**

**on**** my own**

**(from les mis)**

I walked solemnly along the streets of Corus. I knew what happened. And I knew Kel would never believe me. But why? Had I ever given her a reason to doubt my trust? I would never do anything to Kel, but her and her stubborn ways will surely never forgive me. So I walk the streets, tears trickling down the creases of my worn cheeks. All of this from a girl. Neal, you really need to get over yourself, I scold.  

_And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
Without a home without a friend  
Without a face to say hello to_

And after all of these struggles with myself over Kel…I've lost her. She's gone, my Kel, my sweet, sweet, Kel…she's gone forever. If only I could hold hug her, kiss her, just hold her in my arms for the pleasure of _being _with her. That's all that really mattered with Kel. We were together and happy. 

**_Well, _****you _were happy__. _**

What?

**_How do you know_**** she _was happy?_**

Of course she was happy. She accepted my proposal. 

**_Because of those big puppy dog eyes, I bet. _**

No! I screamed back. She accepted because she loved me, and knew I loved her. 

**_Whatever you say, it said mockingly. _******

Me and my Mithros-be-damned conscience.

 _  
And now the night is near  
I can make believe she's here  
Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of her and I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head_

I looked up. The sun was setting behind the palace, almost a mirage of perfection. Like Kel. Except that Kel was never a mirage. She was always shining brightly, even if clouds came and tried to dampen her day. Her face glowed perpetually, like a candle that would never be blown out. Her hair fell around her face in a halo, almost one of an angel. Because that's what she was- she was an angel, _my_ angel, my Kel. And now I had lost her forever. A cry lost in the blowing wind. 

People walked all around me. Strangers, naïve to my struggles, my problems, my compassion. I stared at them. Taking everything for granted, I scoffed inside my head. I looked to the left. 

That was when I saw her. 

It was Kel, but a mere yard or so away. "Kel!" I called gleefully, "Kel, oh, Kel, it's you!"

She ran over to me. "Neal!" she laughed merrily, running over to me. "Oh, it's all okay. Cleon explained everything. It's okay now."

I felt a warm tingle on my lips and realized she must be kissing me. I closed my eyes and leaned in. It was all alright again. I had my Kel back, and my world could turn once more. 

I opened my eyes. Her own hazel ones stared back at me with love and passion, a tear trickling down her face. 

  
I stared. 

Slowly, the tear dried. Her eyes seemed to harden like stones. And then…she gradually dissolved, fading into the scene imprinted in my mind. 

"Kel?" I whispered, bewildered.

She was gone. 

_  
On my own  
Pretending she's beside me  
All alone  
I walk with her till morning  
Without her  
I feel her arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And she has found me_

I sat down in an alley, holding my head between my hands. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Not even my magic could stop the pain of a lost love. Shopkeepers' lanterns flickered out as dusk settled over the city of Corus. I opened my eyes. A few drops of water plopped onto my head, startling me. I looked up into the heavens as the rain began to pour out of the sky. It hit the stones of the ground, flashing in the imminent light before disappearing into the depths of darkness. 

My tears fell with the rain. 

_  
In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is her and me forever and forever   
And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to her   
Still I say, there's a way for us   
I love her  
But when the night is over  
She is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without her_

I looked up into the sky, praying for a sign. Some sign, that was all. A sign that I could once more be with my Kel. 

I saw her again. Kel's face silhouetted against the stormy sky. And just as quickly as she appeared, the image turned to a stream of water, cascading down and splashing off my face. 

I shook out my hair and stood, pacing.  

_  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers  
I love her_

I love Kel. I can't get her out of my head. And if I can't have her, then I don't want anything. It' s her choice. But it's not the one I wanted. 

_  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life  
I've only been pretending  
Without me  
Her world would go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known_

I laid down on the damp stones of the alley, resting my head on my arms. It was going to be a long night. 

_  
I love her. _

_I love her._

_I love her.  
But only on my own._


End file.
